Adam Hibberd
Way, way past time I found a partner in life, as I have been reminded by certain unnamed parties with crass condescension.
Yes. yes I know what you are thinking, I’m just far too delicate and fragile a flower to enter a relationship this late in life, and in fact it could be quite counter-productive.
Nevertheless – there it is, in addition to my frantic white flag waving, my social life is flagging also, but no worries it is entirely my own fault, let me emphasize that: I ONLY HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME.
So there I was on the highly-acclaimed Bumble dating app, playing the mating dance of message exchanges with a particularly attractive prospective partner, and I proceeded to make a disgraceful error.
So from our brief previous chat I had surmised that this person must have a sense-of-humour of some kind and I decided to swing in with some humour of my own.
Thus to her explanation ‘You’re eager, it took me a whole hour to get to work’, I returned ‘Why? Was it bad driving?’, fully expecting her to respond with a witty repost.
I quickly sent another question to her, but met with the annoying realization that she had aborted any association with me whatsoever, as my message failed to send, clearly my innocent jocular banter had been taken far too seriously.
Damn! And damn again! But lesson learned, hey? Don’t mess about with wit, as it could lead to someone getting the shit end of the stick.
You know what I’m still gob-smacked by the ace comedian Lenny Henry’s chat-up line “My name is Theophilus P. Wilderbeast, with ‘P’ for Penetration”. Yet it seemed to work fine for him. I know, I know learn from the master, you will.